Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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