I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
