I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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