There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Mom said you looked used
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
