Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
