Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
