Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
