i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
