can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
