I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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