Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
