All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
