Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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