i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
