he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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