I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
