Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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