i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
