I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
