Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
