So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
