If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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