Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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