I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
