I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
