my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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