Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
