You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
