Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
