Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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