Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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