After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
