take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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