peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
