I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
