you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
