shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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