I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
