Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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