you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
