she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
