As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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