that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think my fart just growled at me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
