Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
