she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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