HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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