just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
