ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
