chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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