Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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