Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
