my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
