just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
