i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
