I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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