Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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