my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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