I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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