just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
