Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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