I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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