She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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