I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
