at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
