She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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