I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
