My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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