Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
