i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
