Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
