This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
