So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
