the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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