Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
