areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
